i'll be back in a few months and laugh

You fooled me completely. you had me thinking you was something but ended up being nothing. I was kinda of questioning your intentions at first and it just wasn't sitting right with me but you melted all that away with time. I cant even remember how we started talking...... over the summer time when bordem hits in every direction facebook came to our rescue. You we happen to be online at the same time and had the "my school is better than yours convo" frequently until i got tired of typing and gave you my number to call me. Ever since then its been a roller coaster. Soguess i do remember after all. You portrayed yourself as a person who did no kinds of wrong and i was fooled by it. Silly me. I dont know where to start but know im pissed. I sat and thought about what went wrong in the timeline and couldnt pinpoint the problem. You was the same person who called my phone off the hook from the months of july till september but now you claim you hate talking on the phone... so i must have BULLSHIT written on my forehead......
Here's the thing, i wanted you to be real with me 100% but you couldnt even give me that. You painted a picture of someone that wasn't trully you and i fell right into with. Call me Guliable but it sounded so real. Talking to Keesh last night and she said something to me about there was probably signs throughout the whole talking sigment that said it wasnt going to work but when you like someone that much you are willing to ignore it, and that i did. Dude didnt even call me on my birthday and i let that slide.... then times i knew he was lying and i didnt bother to call him out on that..... then the major one folks... when i would go to his school to visit friends you would expect a dude im talking to will make time even if its short notice but NO!!! He would be to ingulfed with his bruhs or other females, and i being to wrapped up with would let that slide. Foolish of me, i got soft, dont worry never again. So i finally decide to ask him if its going anywhere and the bastard said no. So the whole time im thinking dude could have told me his shit a long time ago instead of wasting my time and money (yes females i did). I would have respected if he told me instead of leading me on. You know what i take it back, he didnt lead me on he just had a believeable mouthpiece. After writing this note i feel free from my feelings and now realizing you once was and what will never be. You are a past that will always bittersweet because there was a time where you made me happy, well times have changed. So i will take this as a lesson, a never will happen again, a learning experience. Why make the same mistake twice? You live and you learn. and i did.

So to u Vil

Vil.... inspired me. We was talking on the phone and i was praising him about his blog and how much effect it had.....then i told him i haven't written a note/blog in such a long because i haven't been inspired... well here it goes, to my inpsiration.
Nate..... amazes me. I hate is ignorance but i love his intelligence. Its always bittersweet with him. I can argue with him over something dumb... then next minute we having a playful conversation about who's cellphone is better. (nothing beats the instinct buddy). I want him to go to school nd become a journalist and become a writer in a music magazine. My curiousity is driven. My heart is open. My mind is yearning for knowledge.
I used to want to do everything. Everything and everything. Then i realized i can only do one thing at a time or i will end up doing nothing. Remember the commericals with the slogan "impossible is nothing"..... catchy. Better yet, the ones back in the day with Mia Hamm nd Mike Jack.... "anything u can do i can do better....."
I was disappointed with the super bowl commericals this year yet again. smh.
Dawit...... draws my interests. I'm stuck in bed due to me being sick, and he finds ways to make me smile by just simply having a conversation with via text messages. Wonder where it will go. Wait, everytime i wonder i think bad things happen so ima stop wondering. lol......

i'm Addicted to LoOking at The Window.....

A feeling of guilt overcomes me for some odd reason. I hate when i get played but dont see a problem with playing people. Yet, i still get mad when i found out he does wrong......i woke up at 8:26 dis morning with bags under my eyes. It mad me feel ugly......Post secrets inspire me. Who wouldn't want to read people's secrets all night long? Get real.... On Monday i got mad to the point i smoked a black. i need another way to release some tension...... i tried to make myself miss high school, ERROR, ERROR, try again. ... once again its allergy season. HIp Hip Hooray.... I used to be addicted to looking out the window. Most people would say drugs or something of that sort, but my problem was just the same. Every moment i had to look out the window to see who was there. It was bad to the extent i would be put on punishment for coming near the window. That problem was solved.... when i moved to Stockbridge. You know what just happened?..I just remembered a guy named O'Shane. He made me feel special when i was with him. He had a great smile. Its nice just out the orange for him to pop up in my head and have nothing but good memories.Pretty nice it is. What's going on O'Shane? Where are u? Where Have u been? Nd where are u going?....... So Kent thought he could hide the secret forever? Well sucker i finally found out so THERE...... i can sing. Not as well as u might like, but i can, in my mind that is...... In my mind i can see a reflection of myself staring at the computer screen trying to figure out what my gift is.... So God, when you are ready to tell me..... I'm listening

a Bunch of BubBles to be PoPpEd

SO i get a call from a friend, well i thought he was a friend and he caught me drunk. I told him i'll call him back cause im not in the right mindstate to hold a intellectual conversation...but no he didn't get it and tried to tell me about myself. in conclusion the conversation went down hill from there.....
i hate arguing with E.J. cause its always about the same thing recently...
i wonder how it feels to be a bird. to soar freely with nothing holding me back. The sky is the limit, well i thought it was.........
I decided to stay in albany..i know shocking, but true. .....
God, when are you going to show me my calling? nd wats taking my tits so long to grow??...
When one is drunk shit totally changes. I see things in a different light. Dont enjoy the feeling but i can drink me a Margarita.......
speaking of which it reminded me of Chad & Red Lobster.... lets take a trip down memory lane. Went to Red L. when the group was once a group, funny it seems but true... Terrance took me there one time, not a happy dinner when i come to think of it.... then with Chadrick(not his name, but just adds a nice touch to it)...
i have this craving for lemonde, well not just lemonade, maybe pink, but when i see it the craving is gone. Wait.... its one for Chik-fila, NOW DATS LEMONADE.....
wen i go to the mall i dont have a need for anything so i usually leave with nothing for myself....
I wonder where life will take me..... then again i dont even know where im going...
love is for suckers, then again im in love.... so ironic.
i met a guy named Will today. he made me laugh....
why didn't God bless me with some tits?....Out the blue (wait why does it have to be blue?, why cant it be red or green)
i thought about wat if i was still with jeremy?. It made me laugh. I wish him nothing but happiness.....
hmmm.. so wat actually happens to a dream deferred???????

so... When?

I realized we wasnt meant to be together. Its okay. Im not tripping off it. You made me laugh, cry, smile. shit sometimes u was my play dummy cause u just was. But relationships are relationships. Its a learning experience. Just cause YOU fucked up, JEAH U fucked UP NIGGA , its not gonna change my whole perception on relationships however, its just gonna make me wiser on what to do and what not to do. Im sitting here on my computer chair typing away and at the same time reminincing about all the good times in every relationship i had. Yeah some were off the wall and others just so totally strange. But i dont need to be in a relationship to be happy. And neither do u. Its a relationship, we in high school (NOW COLLEGE), WAT THE FUCK?... im not saying having a relationship is bad or anything but it just crazy thought. For the past week all these different guys have come into my life and its like everyone has something i totally admire and/or like. Man i dunno about the girls reading this but i wish i could just mash them (da guys)up together nd produce the perfect "MAN"... now dat would be wonderful, but however i have to settle with the unprefection of a male...... Its 11:07pm and im wondering when the next guy is gonna role into my life. then again he can be there already nd i not knowing. Where are u hiding at?..When am i gonna see u?...Will u make me smile?... how will we meet?... or Have we already met?... Come on... any day now........... BUT matter a fact, after you im done for the year...BUTthen again, you never know...

you.. me.. we.. they.. her... you...me...

We met.
we laugh.
we talk.
i like you.
you like me....
so whats stopping us from eloping?...
why even ask dat question? the fear of entering another "relationship"..is freighten..
What if you mess up?
What if i'm not ready? WhY not now?... Why ever?
Whats the whole point?.
The looks you give me. That look. Your eyes piercing right through me..it leaves me speechless. like WOW...hold on suvwe, control your hormones.
Who are you? Where have you been?..where are you from??.
i know the last relationship was rough, you dont have to tell me.
I just cant move on though. Your words soothe the curves of my spine..your kisses like morning dew (imagining)....
But something keeps coming up nd poppin up in my head.. Why start something when i know its gonna end?.. shyt we both know its gonna end.
So i sit single, listening to me sing dat Keysha coles song (however u spell her name).. thinking about YOU AND ME....me and you...in total chemistry..
So if we become an "item".. whats gonna happen?.. how are you gonna fuck up...cause i know you gonna fuck up.. or maybe i might fuck up...
unlikely..
shyt we all make mistakes.. i try not to think about da future and just dwell on the present.. but hows it gonna end?. will we hate each other... or be friends?...
now i look at the laughs and smiles and hugs... and wonder in the future will it be replaced with tears, sadness,
and bitch slaps accross your face?
gosh this is so redicilious.. me and you... you and me..whats the whole point? you have a girl... or do you?So should we move on and "explore the caves together"
...HAAAA....
the way you touch me. stop starring at me. but the stares only last a short period.
why are you here? where did you come from?..
but that one kiss we shared... told me the world..we know each other. when i fell you caught me.. i sent you something that changed your life...you changed my life...
so why am i so afraid...okay you went with her
...thats it....0
so you like me...
SO WHAT.. is that all?
.. why me?... why not her...yeah the girl over there...not me...
the conversations we had on the phone..short but indept...
of time all these questions no answers..
ignorance is bliss..
totally bliss...

Im happy...